


"Not even Satan could stand you." - Hitoka Yachi, 2020

by Sherr



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Chatting & Messaging, Crack Treated Seriously, Explicit Language, F/M, First years as second years, Fluff and Humor, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, There's a plot there somewhere, again. teenagers, chatfic, like nothing too serious but they're teenagers, nothing too serious tho, second years as third years
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27752326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherr/pseuds/Sherr
Summary: simp and winning:all im saying is, if you could milk every animal, you could have make omelets without having to whisk the eggsthey see me rolling:and all im saying is that ur disgusting, u srsly would milk a chicken???Dinosaur King:What thehelldid I come to.Chatfic where the 3rd years have graduated, rarepair hell is the only hell we live in and I ignore the canon time line.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma/Tsukishima Kei, Kageyama Tobio/Sugawara Koushi, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yachi Hitoka, Nishinoya Yuu/Yaku Morisuke, Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Terushima Yuuji/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 62





	"Not even Satan could stand you." - Hitoka Yachi, 2020

**Author's Note:**

> I understand that Furudate gave us a canon time line where their high school years happen in 2014, but I'll reaffirm my authority as a fanfic writer by ignoring that and doing what I want anyway.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **child sized anxiety:** uuuuuuuh  
>  **child sized anxiety:** why the question
> 
>  **Dinosaur King:** ????  
>  **Dinosaur King:** Because I'm surprised?????
> 
>  **child sized anxiety:** don't know you
> 
>  **Dinosaur King:** Bitch I-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the names are mainly self-explanatory, but if some of them confuse you feel free to ask away!!

**#Current-Club-Minus-First-Years**

**Dinosaur King:** Did I see that right?

 **itty titty cow:** most definitely not

 **spring feet:** lol

 **Dinosaur King:** You stfu  
**Dinosaur King:** _@child sized anxiety_ Was that really Kyōtani showing affection????

 **child sized anxiety:** uuuuuuuh  
**child sized anxiety:** why the question

 **Dinosaur King:** ????  
**Dinosaur King:** Because I'm surprised?????

 **child sized anxiety:** don't know you

 **Dinosaur King:** Bitch I-

 **spring feet:** lmao kei looked so shocked when kyōtani just hugged u and continued to speak with his team without a care in the world

 **Dinosaur King:** HE FUCKING _**BARKED**_ AT ME FOR LOOKING AT YACHI AND THEN HAS THE NERVE TO _HUG_ HER?

 **they see me rolling:** idk he probs thought u were into her or smth

 **Dinosaur King:** I- I'm gay-  
**Dinosaur King:** Sir, I have two boyfriends-

 **child sized anxiety:** he says that must be fake because no one likes you

 **Dinosaur King:** 👁️👄👁️  
**Dinosaur King:** I really exist just to take slander don't I

 **itty titty cow:** lmao get fucked

 **Dinosaur King:** You have zero rights to talk

 **itty titty cow:** fucking bet

 **deku wannabe:** ight, stop right there

 **Dinosaur King:** Ight????

 **deku wannabe:** stfu let me liVE

 **spring feet:** i hate to do this to u yams but  
**spring feet:** ight????

 **deku wannabe:** wow okay see if i help your boyfriend again

 **Dinosaur King:** You love me, you will

 **deku wannabe:** shut up who said you could speak the truth

 **child sized anxiety:** wait frick guys

 **Dinosaur King:** Pfft, frick

 **child sized anxiety:** shUT  
**child sized anxiety:** i have to get home early today so can any of you guys take my notes and share them for the meeting?

 **deku wannabe:** ill do it

 **child sized anxiety:** thanks!!! I'll pass the notes to you in the next red light

 **simp and winning:** man, dont remind me of the meeting, i can barely walk

 **they see me rolling:** ^^^ kyōtani's services got so strong since last year hate that guy

 **child sized anxiety:** hey >:(

 **they see me rolling:** no offense yachi but ur dating a service monster

 **child sized anxiety:** okay fair  
**child sized anxiety:** but!!! good job stopping ken and kunimi, tsukishima! your blocks are so terrifying

 **Dinosaur King:** Thanks

 **spring feet:** lol hes smiling

 **Dinosaur King:** See if I buy you any meatbuns after the meeting

 **spring feet:** worth it, teehee

 **Dinosaur King:** Don't fucking teehee me

 **itty titty cow:** can you show me some notes on their first-year setter, yachi-san? he's surprisingly good

 **child sized anxiety:** yeah, i'll go over them with you tomorrow!!

 **itty titty cow:** nice

 **ennoshIT-:** Why are you guys texting when all of you are next to each other?

 **they see me rolling:** why are u texting us when u coudve easily told us that out loud?

 **ennoshIT-:** ... Alright, fair. Go ahead

 **they see me rolling:** outplayed 😎

 **ennoshIT-:** I can still read this

 **they see me rolling:** oop-

 **Dinosaur King:** Lmao

 **simp and winning:** lmao

 **spring feet:** lmao

 **they see me rolling:** i hate every single one of you except yachi

 **child sized anxiety:** :3

 **deku wannabe:** wow, the bias

 **itty titty cow:** and he calls himself ultimate senpai smh

 **they see me rolling:** waIT NO UR STILL CALLING ME SENPAI RIGHT????

 **itty titty cow:** :/

 **spring feet:** :/

 **deku wannabe:** :/

 **they see me rolling:** i hate it here

* * *

**the sane one:** What the hell did the teacher say

 **Naruto:** was that,,,, was that even japanese???

 **the sane one:** I'm not sure and I'm too afraid to ask

 **ennoshIT-:** What are you guys having problems with?

 **the sane one:** Trigonometry

 **child sized anxiety:** fuck trigonometry

 **Naruto:** !!!  
**Naruto:** fuck trigonometry!!!

 **ennoshIT-:** ...  
**ennoshIT-:** Daichi was good with trigonometry, maybe I can ask him to tutor us?

 **the sane one:** Please do

 **they see me rolling:** !!!!!!!!  
**they see me rolling:** DAICHI CAN DO THAT?????

 **ennoshIT-:** Are you also having trouble with trigonometry?

 **they see me rolling:** i have trouble with everything involving numbers

 **simp and winning:** kiyoko is busy with college and cant help me:')))))

 **Naruto:** cry me a river, tanaka

 **simp and winning:** KFJSLJSKDJDJD STFU NARITA

 **Dinosaur King:** ???  
**Dinosaur King:** Trigonometry is easy

 **the sane one:** Tsukishima, I will not hesitate to punch you

 **Dinosaur King:** Lmao

 **child sized anxiety:** trigonometry scares me i will never see triangles without having nightmares ever again

 **spring feet:** i actually had a nightmare where a triangle was chasing me and trying to kill me bc i dont know what a tangent is 😭😭

 **Dinosaur King:** ... They taught you that three days ago

 **spring feet:** YEAH, AND I DONT KNOW WHAT THE HELL A TANGENT IS, SUE ME

 **itty titty cow:** i know what a tangent is

 **spring feet:** stfu kageyama, stop reminding me that ur only good subject is math ill punt u!!!

 **itty titty cow:** HAH???? COME AT ME THEN

 **ennoshIT-:** You two stop that :)  
**ennoshIT-:** Daichi says he can tutor the ones that need help this Saturday

 **simp and winning:** thank you for existing, daichi-san

 **they see me rolling:** (2)

 **the sane one:** (3)

 **Naruto:** (4)

 **spring feet:** (5)

 **deku wannabe:** what the hell

* * *

**#Throuple-Trouble**

**Tall bf:** WHICH ONE OF YOU TWO DID IT I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION WITH MY MOM WHYFJSKSKAKAJKSKS

 **Tiny bf:** did what? :0

 **Kitty bf:** idk what ur talking bout kei

 **Tall bf:** OBVIOUSLY ONE OF YOU TWO SET MY RINGTONE TO EMO BOY I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO SEE MY MOM AT THE FACE AGAIN

 **Tiny bf:** kenma, whats emo boy?

 **Kitty bf:** i actually dont know shōyō, i think kei lost it

 **Tall bf:** I'M????  
**Tall bf:** You two are fucking heathens is2g  
**Tall bf:** Kiss privileges revoked

 **Tiny bf:** WAIT NO KKKANKSLAKSKSKS  
**Tiny bf:** KENMAAAAA MY KISSES :(((((

 **Kitty bf:** the way that doesnt affect me as much bc i only see u two every weekend

 **Tiny bf:** KENMA I WILL SUFFER FROM KITH DEFICIENCY  
**Tiny bf:** I WILL ACTUALLY DIE

 **Kitty bf:** that sucks babe

 **Tiny bf:** LJFKSJALSKSLAJDLSJ  
**Tiny bf:** KEI KENMA DID IT

 **Tall bf:** Is that so?  
**Tall bf:** Your kiss privileges are still revoked until Kenma himself confess

 **Tiny bf:** KENMAAAAAAAA

 **Kitty bf:** hmmmm  
**Kitty bf:** my game loaded up bye

 **Tiny bf:** U HAVE THE AUDACITY-

 **Tall bf:** Oh, wow. Such a shame. Guess someone is not getting kisses until next weekend

 **Tiny bf:** JJDKSJDJD I HATE IT HERE

* * *

**#Current-Club-Minus-First-Years**

**they see me rolling:** alright _@Dinosaur King_ fess up

 **Dinosaur King:** What?

 **simp and winning:** hinata was mopping today at practice and when yachi asked him about it he only said "kiss"  
**simp and winning:** so obviously ur mistreating our precious kōhai  
**simp and winning:** but we will forgive u if u confess to ur crimes

 **Dinosaur King:** Lol, no

 **they see me rolling:** this bitch-

 **ennoshIT-:** Aren't you two supposed to be closing the gym?

 **they see me rolling:** oop-

* * *

**#Throuple-Trouble**

**Tall bf:** You're an actual child Shōyō  
**Tall bf:** You can have your kiss privileges back, just stop mopping

 **Tiny bf:** !!!!!  
**Tiny bf:** ILL GO TO UR HOUSE NOW TO KISS U

 **Tall bf:** Wtf don't is late  
**Tall bf:** ... And he's not answering, jfc

 **Kitty bf:** lol u shouldve waited till morning

 **Tall bf:** He would've been even more moody if I did that, that would've been tiresome

 **Kitty bf:** just say u also missed his kisses and go smh

 **Tall bf:** That didn't happen

 **Kitty bf:** hmmmhm  
**Kitty bf:** whatever helps u sleep at night kei  
**Kitty bf:** bye xoxo tell shōyō good night for me

 **Tall bf:** >:/  
**Tall bf:** I'll tell him  
**Tall bf:** Sleep well

 **Kitty bf:** u 2  
**Kitty bf:** love u both

 **Tall bf:** ... We love you as well

* * *

**#Current-Club-Minus-First-Years**

**deku wannabe:** im in tsukki's house and both him and hinata are ignoring me to make out  
**deku wannabe:** i want a new best friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a lot of Tsukishima because he's my baby  
> I will not apologize about that


End file.
